funny how much i always looked forward to blogging whenever i was doing well – but i seem to phase out a bit when the going gets tough. humans are so predictable! so i’m checking in because 1) it’s good for me and 2) it will get me focused and energized. the good news is that i’m officially out of my funkity funk and have a lot more clarity on what i’m doing and where i’m going. the question i’ve been struggling with lately is whether or not i’m going to compete in hawaii in 4 weeks. my close friends and family have posed this question, and rightfully so, given the roller coaster of emotion following the last show. i know that whatever my decision they will support me 100%, but i know they just have my best interest at heart. i’ve had a lot going on in my life and so their thought is that i just need some stability and possibly just go to hawaii, enjoy some downtime, but without the pressure of competing. it was suggested that i might learn more about myself from NOT competing than going ahead and competing. and i have no doubt that this is true. for someone as bull-headed as me to set a goal and then not put my all into accomplishing it – that just seems unfathomable (is that a word?). but what i also realized is that i am who i am and i have to make a decision that i’m comfortable with – that makes me happy.
which is why i’ve decided to go ahead and compete. there’s definitely part of me that is now just yearning to get back to normal life…enjoy that glass of wine or have dessert, and like i mentioned in my last blog session…just live life. summer is here and i don’t want to spend it being so structured! that said – it’s 4 weeks…only 4 weeks. i want to prove to myself not that i can get to competition shape – i know i can because i already did it once…but more so, i want to prove to myself that i can do it and then get through to the otherside without the crash. i know there will still be some sort of let down after it’s over, but i’ll be prepared this time. and i’ve planned for other events AFTER the competition so i have something to look forward to instead of just having everything coming to a screeching halt after it’s over. and honestly – i’m not doing it as much to prove anything – but because i set this goal and i can’t think of anything better than going to hawaii and competing – and then rewarding myself with 3 days doing nothing but laying on the beach…with a mai tai!
you’d be surprised how accountable this blog and those weekly pics kept me…knowing that your pics are going to be taken every week definitely keep you focused! so i’m not taking weekly pics to hawaii because that was just part of my 12 week countdown to my first show…but i will update you on my stats. so last week i happily shed 3 of the lbs i had gained after the show which was pretty much mostly water weight and carbs. my body is still craving carbs like no other but at 4 weeks out i’ve gotta buckle down. i’m at about 112 right now and ideally i’ll be back at my show weight of 105-106…and kim says it’s possible but i have to work my butt off. so this week i’m doing the same workout but for cardio i’m doing 3 days of interval training for 45m and then 3 days of steady state cardio (140bpm) for 1 hour. oh how i’ve missed those hour-long cardio sessions (not!). then for my nutrition i’m at 1300-1400 calories per day. it’s a natural temptation to want to cut more calories to lose the weight but 1) i don’t want to lose muscle so i have to feed the little guys and 2) it backfires every time even if i try because my body needs fuel! once i flipped the switch in my head from my food being an emotional fix to giving my body what it needs to perform optimally, i’ve been right on track. so 4 weeks to hawaii…i’m in this 100% until then. if you have any questions or comments let me know…i love reading the comments and answering any questions!
aloha for now!