ahhh…it’s sunday morning and i’m outside at starbucks in waikiki drinking a coffee and just enjoyed a yummy egg and turkey bacon breakfast sandwich (on a whole wheat muffin of course!) as i blog about the competition yesterday! first off – i’m so happy i did it, but i’m also happy it’s over so i can enjoy hawaii!
so the day started a bit scattered yesterday because i had to catch a cab to the pre-judging and was a little late, but at most shows you have a good 2 hours to get ready and prep because figure usually goes after bodybuilding. not at this one! they got us in, out, and on our way! luckily i showed up ready to go – some girls were still doing hair and make-up – but it was a bit rushed meaning that we didn’t at all have time to get our little muscles pumped up to go on stage! that said, i was a bit frazzled, didn’t have time to practice my posing, and before i knew it i was prancing back on-stage under those big lights to do my quarter-turns. i definitely wasn’t AS nervous as the first competition, but my little knees were still knockin’ a little bit! and this time they had us pose for a good 5-8m which doesn’t seem long, except you’re holding your poses flexing every last little muscle the whole time. honestly i was a bit disappointed because they moved girls around to do comparisons and never moved me – i wanted to wave my hand and say ‘hey – look at me!’ ha ha! oh well – all i could do though was smile and do my best…and this time i kept my head up! and as i was walking off-stage i saw kim and gunter coming in…they had just got there and they too didn’t expect us to go on so soon so they didn’t even see me. not a big deal – i just wanted feedback on how i did. but it was clear, after going to the dressing room that i wasn’t quite show-ready….i was dripping sweat from the posing, which i didn’t do at the last show. the reason: i still had quite a bit of water in me. i think the combination of not dehydrating soon enough, being sick, plus having to take that anti-biotic, i just didn’t get all the water out! i thought i was just hot from posing but kim said it was just the extra water i had in my body, which more than likely i’d get judged down for. what’s a girl to do? honestly – i was just happy i wasn’t up there coughing on stage!!
but of course, in classic ‘ang’ style, i was bummed after pre-judging and hard on myself. i just went back to the hotel and sat on the patio thinking over and over in my head how i didn’t put my ALL into prepping for this show, but then after i sat there a bit and stared at the ocean i just snapped myself out of it (and a few super supportive text messages and conversations helped too). i just realized how hard i can be on myself, and while it can be a good thing because it’s what drives me – i also have to just step back and be proud of what i did accomplish. i could have given up after the last show – but i didn’t. i could have decided not to compete because i was sick – but i didn’t. and the truth is, as i sat there staring out at the water, listening to the waves, i just smiled knowing that given all i have going on, i did my absolute best. the last show i was focused 110% and put my all into it – and this show i just couldn’t. i am so hard on myself to excel at all things i do – but i can’t be all things, all the time. fitlosophy has been growing like crazy since the last show….and it deserved more of my time. not to mention just wanting to spend more time with friends and family after the last competition prep took a lot of my time for over 3 months. that said, i am so proud of myself for doing this because i had to push through some major mental barriers going from competition shape and being super-strict, super-lean – to completely hitting rock bottom and gaining weight which was hard for me to do – to getting my head back on straight, working my butt off, and coming to this competition with a renewed, healthy perspective…which is worth more to me than ANY trophy.
so after this little thinking session on my patio, i relaxed at the hotel for a bit before i had to jump in the shower and re-paint. yep! last time i didn’t shower obviously because i was painted – but this time, from all the water in my body i had to shower and put another coat of paint on because i looked like a little melted candle with drippy marks all over me! i could completely tell a difference when i painted myself in the afternoon compared to the morning though that i’d lost even more water and i felt competition-ready. kim said i easily lost another 1-2lbs of water weight from the morning to that night and probably 3-4lbs from the night before! so i had re-painted myself, got all purtied up and left my hotel feeling very confident and just excited for the show that night…that’s the fun part anyway! i had a great time backstage getting to know all the girls and was literally bouncing off the walls – my snack of choice this time was chocolate covered espresso beans, so you add that to my already-energetic-personality and it was just hilarious. long story short…we all got ready for the big show, got dolled up, and pumped up (with plenty of time this time!) and had a great time. the music, the audience, the energy – the night show is just fun, although i did miss my cheering section from last time! i went out there with a big smile on my face and confidence knowing that i did my best and was just proud of that. the results: i took 4th place (again!!) in my division (5’4″ and under) and am absolutely proud of myself for that. here are a few pics from the show (more to come later)….
so after the show, i won’t lie i was a bit bummed about 4th place – but given that i didn’t put my ALL into it i’m not sure why i was expecting better. but what i did appreciate was feedback from kim and gunter on how i did. as far as my body goes, they said i looked good – but was just ‘smooth’ compared to the last show….because i’m tiny and don’t have a lot of muscle like some of the other girls, if i’m not super-duper lean, then you can’t see the muscle definition. and i wasn’t quite as lean – probably another week and i could have gotten a bit more lean, but given that i seriously hadn’t worked out since tuesday because i got sick, i wasn’t surprised that my muscles didn’t pop as much. i was back-stage just trying to get my little six-pack to show and it did a little, but not near like last time! so that was their feedback on my body – which i loved that insight. on another note though, they said i looked really comfortable on stage this time and said my posing was ‘spot-on’! yay – that made me happy!! oh and kim said i looked gorgeous (thank you!)…and a lot of that was i was just happy and having fun and it showed. they know how i am – i’m so hard on myself, but i can honestly say that having them to give me honest feedback, and tell me exactly like it is – that’s what i needed. no sugar coating needed – i know that if i would have trained a bit harder, ate a bit better, and didn’t completely crash after the last show – i could’ve done a lot better. but i didn’t…and given that my head wasn’t in it 100%, i did just pretty darn good!
sometimes i find it hard to say i’m ‘proud’ of myself when i didn’t put my all into something…not because of the result, but because what matters more to me than the outcome is the effort put forth. so when i say that i’m proud of myself for doing this show – i mean it. but not because i put 100% into the physical and was focused like i needed to be to compete. i wasn’t. for that, of course i’m disappointed with myself because i know i’m capable of much more. i don’t like making excuses. so i have other stuff going on…so do the other girls in the show – some of these women have 3 kids! so i got sick – yeah there were like 2 other girls that were sick too. so excuses just don’t cut it for me and don’t make me proud of myself, despite setbacks. but i do give myself credit where credit is due. and this is why i’m proud of myself: 9 weeks ago i hit a super-high from doing my first show which was quickly followed by an extreme low that not only took me a good 3-4 weeks to get out of, including a few days bummed out in bed, endless phone conversations, not to mention putting on about 8-10lbs which for me is a lot on this little frame. it took everything i had to pull myself out of that, get my butt to the gym, get re-focused, and commit to not just getting healthy physically – but getting my head back on straight. i am SO glad i did this show for that reason and that reason alone. i can sit here and tell you that i am now ready to get back to my normal, healthy and fit life….and getting through the last 9 weeks has prepared me for that. where do these deep thoughts come from? sometimes i amaze myself.
so after the show last night, toting my 2-foot tall trophy (yeah – not sure how that’s getting back home!), we all meandered over to cheesecake factory – the only place open at 11:30 at night for dinner still…and yes that’s the same place that we had dinner after the last show! no wine this time (shocker – i know)…just some decaf coffee and then i had the thai chicken lettuce wraps which just absolutely hit the spot. nice and light – and salty, which i needed…i was so crampy from having NO sodium or water. we all chatted about the show, grubbed our food, and then i headed back to my room where my hour-long shower ensued to remove my layers of spackle! i crashed out and woke up this morning bright and early….and here i am now.
so now i have 2 days left in hawaii and am absolutely thrilled. it’s 9:30am, 80 degrees, and i am going to head poolside, maybe stroll on the beach and go swimming, maybe hit some shopping with kim later, then a catamaran ride this afternoon…and we’re going out for dinner and wine tonight! monday we’re going to hike diamondhead and then i plan to relax and take in the sun until i have to head to the airport tomorrow night. i’ll be uploading more pics of hawaii once i’m back, but i’ll be a bit behind on work so who knows when i’ll be blogging again. but i must say – i’ve missed it. now – i just have to think of another goal and something to blog about. oh dear….who knows what i’ll be up to next.
on a final note: thank you (or as they say here – mahalo!) for all the love and support on my journey to compete in hawaii…it’s so appreciated. i have the most amazing friends and family…and blog-followers - i am so blessed!
aloha – i’m off to the beach!