it’s official. i am addicted to coffee. good news is that i’m accepting it, and they say that’s the first step to recovery. although in my case, i’m not really looking to overcome it – i’ve fully embraced it. case in point, you can see by my fitbook mugshot for the day that it was a stellar day of juicing. time-wise i was much more consistent with juices every two hours and i didn’t have a 3-hour workout session (only 1 1/2) so i was able to get all my juices in by 8! now direct your attention to the upper right-hand corner of the page. yes, that is right. i failed. ok, not failed as much as intentionally set myself up to not succeed.
for the past two weeks i’ve been knee-deep in spreadsheets that have more tabs than i can count and i swear every time i think i’ve fixed something, i see the dreaded #REF! come up in another cell. heaven help me, i need to get this done. so given my amazing talent of procrastinating coupled with my inability to focus, this morning i decided i would knock out emails in the comfort of my home and then go straight to pain du monde (or “pdm”). i get a ton done there: not only do they have the BEST coffee (don’t tell starbucks), but there’s no wifi so i am forced to focus, and they play my fave xm station all-day-long (“the highway”, darn right). so silly me, did i really think i could go in there and not get my coffee? no, i was intentional. and the funny part is that i was actually being sneaky about it. see that’s the great part about telling people your goals (and blogging about it). you have to stick to your word. so, i would usually get a refill on my coffee, and then after i was done working there, head into the office with a fresh cup. oh no, being the addict that i’ve officially realized i am, i was hilariously sneaking around getting my coffee fix!
now, is it the end of the world that i had a cup of coffee? no. does it make me question my willpower that i can’t go a whole 3 days without coffee? yes. in defense of my obsessive-compulsive behavior, i did however catch myself and didn’t use cream. and if you know me, this is a large sacrifice. i don’t even go for the half-and-half anymore. i’m talkin’ the thick heavy whipping cream that makes my coffee like heaven in a cup. that was my compromise with myself: “ok, you can have a cup of coffee, but no cream. none!” now, this whole thing could seem like an excuse for why i needed my coffee and if you call me out, i’m totally okay with that. i’m at peace with my addiction. but you know what, there are also times in life where you just have to figure that some things make you happy and instead of trying to change every little thing about yourself, just embrace those things that bring you bits of joy. my coffee makes me happy. it’s seemingly harmless (especially without cream) and even has health benefits. so i may have slipped a little (tiny) bit on my cleanse, but i sure did enjoy that cup of coffee – even sans cream.
so there. i didn’t have to tell you and i did. i couldn’t have lived with myself if i wasn’t honest. and maybe, just maybe, you’ll see that sometimes it’s ok to let yourself off and not be so hard on yourself. please don’t misunderstand me though: this isn’t a reason to make excuses. you know my motto: “they don’t get you any closer to your goals.” big difference between deciding to have a cup of coffee and deciding you want to enjoy life so you’ll have dessert every night….or working out is inconvenient so you skip it. um, no. what i’ve found is rarely/never do i regret doing things that are good for me, that make me smile, and feel good about myself after. but often times the things i don’t do are what get between me and the me i want to be. and the key to all of it is accepting and loving who you are, weaknesses and all, and picking yourself back up and going at it again. so tomorrow as i head into day #3 of my cleanse i’m committing to it wholeheartedly, no coffee (1 more day!). not because i have to – but because it’s good practice in sacrificing something you really realy want in the short-term, for something so much better and sweeter in the long-term.
off to bed…