06
Mar
09

deep thoughts by me

ok so i’ve taken a hiatus from my blogging for the past few days and i must say i’ve missed it.  i’m a routine girl – love my routine.  and everything about my life lately has been anything BUT routine.  so that’s one thing that i’ve realized about this whole process that i love.  amidst the chaos of life, this is the one thing that i have some level of stability and a sense of control over.  it’s also rather predictable and that is one thing life is not – trust me!  i know exactly what i’m eating and when…i know my workouts aren’t an option and i’m there at the gym like clockwork.  it’s amazing how something that often times can seem so difficult, can become so easy if you set your mind to it. 

another bonus: there’s some sense of mental relief in knowing exactly what i can and can’t do – and not letting emotions come into play.  throughout the past 4 weeks i’ve had this great realization just how much i/we tend to self-medicate with food, wine , etc. as an escape (have i mentioned i love wine?)  – and without having those vices it’s amazing how much we learn about ourselves.   i know this is getting deep…but hang in there…i’m in an odd mood!  so often people ask me how i have so much will power (i still have golden spoon in my freezer!), of more often than not wonder why the heck i’m even doing this!  but the truth is that it’s not as much will power than it is just making a decision of how you want to live your life and doing it.  does dessert look good when i’m out at restaurants?  yes!  does my mouth water when they bring the bread to the table?  of course!  would i rather sleep in instead of waking up at 8am on saturday to workout?  yeah.  but those things aren’t an option for me right now because i have a bigger goal and it’s amazing how those things have become less and less appealing through this process.  those little distractions are only short-term satisfaction, but the personal gratification i’m gaining through working hard both mentally and physically every day – that’s long-term and lasting change.  ok – that’s all the deep i got in me for now! 🙂

on a lighter note – i’m super duper excited for next week!  my trainer is putting together an 8-week-out schedule for me to see exactly what we have to do over the next 8 weeks to get me all purtied up and ready for the big day!  I have to decide on my bikini and we’re going to make it all sparkly with rhinestones…some of the bikinis are anywhere from $500 -1000 so needless to say i’m happy that i’m borrowing one of hers!  then i have to buy shoes and definitely practice my walk so i don’t eat it on stage!  then we have to plan the whole painting thing.  yes painting.  of everything, i’m looking forward to this the least.  i just don’t wanna be orange!  i’m wanting to convince her that i just do a little darker mystic tan or something but i don’t think that’s going to fly.  so i shall be painted and i’ll look like a fried little chicken up there struttin’ around in my bikini.  so not stoked about that part – but what are ya gonna do?  i’m in this 100% and if that means i have to be painted like a sunburned barbie, well then so be it.  ya gotta be in it to win it! 

little update:  water is going good.  the whole supplement thing has made it easier since i have to take an insane amount of ginormous pills everyday and i down the water just to get through it.  but my sleep is horrible.  not by choice…i’m going to bed but i just can’t sleep.  i guess it might just take time for my body to adjust to the supplements…plus all kinds of other things play into it like stress, maybe working out too close to bed, and i’m sure the accidental starbucks at 4 or 5 doesn’t help either!  decaf…i always forget!
so off to bed i go like a good little girl to get my zzzz’s…hopefully!

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