Archive for March 28th, 2009


stress happens.

so first off i’m just happy i made it back to california!  i’m safe and sound – but the snow started falling in denver the morning i was leaving…and it proceeded to dump about 14 inches (or that’s the last i heard)!  my flight was about an hour late taking off – but thankfully we did because all flights for the rest of the day were cancelled!  i had such a wonderful time with my family and miss them already…but it’s always nice to get back home – especially when it’s 70 degrees!  the only part i don’t like about returning from a trip?  the inevitable stress created by being gone – and even though i was working while i was there (between ms. pacman games), the work continues to pile up.  plus, i wanted to just be with my family which meant i did enough work to keep from getting too far behind, but upon return to the real world today it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  that is the joy of owning your own business!  i rarely have days like this where i’m so overwhelmed that i don’t know what to do with myself…but i did today.  i just have to remember and count my blessings that i usually wake up everyday just loving everything about what i do.  today – not so much. 

the crappy part?  stress affects every area of your life and, like most people, i’m no different in that it affects my eating.  so even though i usually have amazing self-control for the most part – yeah the stress got the best of me today and wreaked havoc on my little diet.  not that i went out of control or anything – but i could just tell it was going to be a struggle today.  i knew it when i ate breakfast and instead of wanting to go face the pile o’ work ahead of me – i just wanted to find something else to eat!!  just an extra 1/4 cup of oatmeal…not too bad right?  it’s not the food that bugs me…it’s the mental part behind it when i know i’m not hungry – i’m just eating to deal with some emotion that i can’t pinpoint.  so on with my day.  at lunch…same thing.  supposed to have 1/2 cup brown rice….hmmm…i think i’ll just have a whole cup!  as i worked all day i just kept feeling more and more overwhelmed so i was relieved when it was time to go to the gym.  however, because 1) i didn’t have coffee this morning and 2) i ate more starchy carbs than i’m supposed to, and 3) i was mentally drained…….i didn’t feel all so motivated once i got there!  the good news: i went!  the not-so-good-news: i wasn’t feelin’ it.  this might be one of the dullest workouts i’ve had in the last 8 weeks…no energy, felt horrible from the extra carbs that were weighin’ me down, and super duper sore from yesterday’s killer leg workout.  i made it through my shoulder workout, so-so ab workout, and then did my quick 20m intervals on the stairstepper. 

after being gone for a week i had NO food in the fridge so i had to hit the store after my workout so i had my quick protein shake, went to the store, and didn’t get home to make dinner until 9pm!  my dinner was amazing…lemon pepper tilapia fillet and a big big salad (fatoush actually, my sister-in-law’s lebanese salad).  so far so good.  then for my nighttime snack i made my protein pudding.  good.  and then – the damn almond butter caught my eye in the cabinet and all willpower went out the window.  ok so only 2 tablespoons…but that’s 200 calories and that took me over my limit for the day by far.  it’s only one day – but that’s not what bothers me.  it’s the point that i deal with my emotions or stress by eating when i’m not even hungry…and i know it!

to be honest – i’m fairly proud of myself for having this happen only like twice through this entire experience so far.  everything that i’ve had going on in my life and to have only 2 days where i turn to food for comfort when it’s a fairly common human reaction, well that’s not too bad.   i’m bummed that i’m dealing with it – but it really does teach me a lot about myself and the only reason i share it on my blog is because so many people think that i have it all together, that i have amazing self-control…and i do most of the time…but i struggle just like everyone else.  all i can do is learn from it, wake up tomorrow and make different and better choices and keep my goals at the front of my mind so i stay focused instead of getting diverted.  i feel like this is all a ramble – but i suppose that’s ok.  i’m entitled to random ramblings every now and then!

i’m looking forward to tomorrow…my girlfriend and i are going to check out a local figure competition so i can see what it’s all about, watch the posing, see the suits…and get some kind of idea what the heck i’ll be doing in 4 weeks!  i’ll have the scoop on that this weekend.  in the meantime, i need to just continually focus on getting enough sleep (as i blog at 12:45am!) and drinking all my water (oh yeah – did i mention most days when i go over on calories i haven’t kept up with my water intake?).  all in all i’m having a blast with this whole experience…but just like everything in life, you will inevitably get thrown curveballs and sometimes you don’t deal with them exactly as you’d hoped.  but the best part is that we have a chance to wake up tomorrow morning and make the best of whatever comes our way.  a great quote that i’m sure i’ve shared before…but always puts things in perspective:
“life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.”

for your reading pleasure: a great article from self magazine..check it out! 
is the economy making you fat?


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