now i’ve seen everything: gym edition

i don’t even know where to start.  let me preface this by saying, when you’ve logged as many hours at the gym as i have, i’ve seen just about everything.  and i mean everything: 

  • the now all-too-common cell phoners that obviously are so important that they must take every call and chat (loudly) while occupying the bench i’m waiting for or peddaling along at 2 RPMs on the recumbant bike (really?).
  • the ladies in the gym that apparently become not only more comfortable with their body the older and/or more volumptuous they are, but feel the need to share their beautiful bosoms (and more) with the rest of us in the locker room.  rumor has it that this also holds true in the men’s locker room.  one word: towel!
  • those poor souls that do not know they wreak of B.O. so badly that there is like a 10 foot radius that you must avoid so as not to encroach on the subject’s wretched stench in fear that someone might think it’s you.
  • the beefcakes that leave the five 45 lb plates on both sides of the leg press and smith machine when they’re done cranking out their 3 reps.  because i enjoy getting my workout in by re-racking your plates – really, i do!
  • the organization-challenged peeps that cannot seem to comprehend the out-of-this-world concept that when you remove the 15lb weights from the rack, (gasp!) they actually (get this….) go back in the spot with a little 1 and a 5 so nicely labeled on the rack.
  • the super-soakers that inhabit the stepmill for an hour without a towel, not only leaving the machine soaked and a pool-o-sweat puddled up down below, but you must avoid the machines on either side of them in fear of being flung with droplets of their perspiration.

i could go on – i really could. (want more? check out the hilariously funny gym etiquette post from fitness & spice.) but i digress so as to share with you my recent gym sighting this weekend.  all i can tell you is that all that went through my head when i saw this was a quick flash back to that episode of friends (yes i’m obsessed) where phoebe is inhabited by the soul of an old jewish woman who, at the lesbian wedding, exclaims loudly “now i’ve seen everything!”.

so i’m happily doing my circuits and i see this guy lurking about and he’s in a golf-like polo shirt and khaki shorts with a leather belt.  a bit fancy for the gym but i’ve seen this before.  then he has on leather loafers and these white socks of course pulled half-way up his hairy white calves.  he’s watching me do circuits and you know the poor guy doesn’t probably know what to do – but again, i just applaud him for being there!  then i notice he’s holding a starbucks (which i’m equally as obsessed with).  he’s sippin’ it, sauntering about.  then, he sidles up to the dumbbell rack and picks up a 10-lb weight with his right hand, with the starbucks still firmly gripped in his left hand and while sipping his coffee he proceeds to lift his right hand overhead and do tricep extensions.  yes.  sipping coffee all the while working his right tricep overhead.  i think my jaw dropped to the floor. oh but it gets better.  so he apparently exhausted the right arm and in order to equally fatigue the left arm he takes his coffee and sits it in the dumbbell rack while he moves the weight to his left hand and then proceeds to (yes) pick up the coffee with his now free hand.  repeat dumbbell tricep extention overhead with a superset of starbucks.  heaven forbid he set down his beloved cup o’ joe for a few mere seconds to knock out a set!  this man then proceeded with this little routine for dumbbell curls, and yes, bent over dumbbell rows too. 

now – anybody that knows me knows that i love my starbucks.  probably unusually so.   but after seeing that display of love for the ‘bucks, i must say that i might have to relinquish my self-given title of “starbucks obsessed”.  that takes it to a whole new level.  so now i can confidently say that “now, i’ve seen everything (at the gym).”


8 Responses to “now i’ve seen everything: gym edition”

  1. 1 Tina
    06.08.10 at 10:21 pm

    My “best” and worst gym experience was the day one of the more mature women you mentioned decided, for some unknown reason to attempt to SHARE my blow dryer by dancing back and forth right BEHIND me…naked! I kept moving away, thinking she was trying to reach for something on the counter?? She actually said to me…”I’m trying to use your dryer”….it was one of those moments I can’t remember….white out….what do you say to that?? To a naked older lady???

    Anyway, I love your posts! Thanks for sharing this one!

    Tina Carson

  2. 2 Karen Shopmyer
    06.08.10 at 11:42 pm

    Love it! Hilarious!

  3. 3 monica
    06.09.10 at 2:28 am

    I love it! My gym story is at my gym they recently posted something to the effect”it has come to our attention that some members are not adhering to policys regarding proper hygiene ” Please do not sit unclothed at the vanity stations as this is not sanitary” as I dried my hair (clothed) I glaced to my left and there was a completley naked woman doing her make-up sitting down…Awesome!

  4. 4 Diana Kuykendall
    06.09.10 at 3:32 am

    I think I will continue my workouts at home and outdoors….just thinking about some of these hilariously described behaviors….makes me cringe.
    Love you blog….and the fitbook!

  5. 06.09.10 at 12:09 pm

    Now I love me some Starbucks, too, but how on Earth could a cup of hot coffee be refreshing when working out? Unless YOU’RE NOT WORKING OUT, of course!

    By the way, at my new gym there are all sorts of characters, like the guy that wears sunglasses on his forehead for his entire workout, every workout. WT?!

  6. 06.09.10 at 12:38 pm

    Bump. This goes for Scandinavia too!

  7. 06.11.10 at 10:42 pm

    Any gym-goer knows exactly what you are talking about! One of my pet peeves is the girlfriends who chat during Spin class! Obviously not working hard enough cause I can barely breathe, let alone talk!!

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